So I was pretty sick over the weekend and rented a ridiculous amount of movies. Here's a few observations.
1) Van Helsing
"I wish that I wore more practical shoes."
If the above image doesn't tell you all you need to know about this amazingly stupid film...
I think that the following sums up the film pretty well:
Villagers: Look, Vampires in the sky! Run! Aieeee!
Stupid Computer-Generated Vampires: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Villagers (running): Aieeeeeee!
Stupid Computer-Generated Vampires:Yesss! Blood! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Villagers: Look they've brought their vampire children! Run! Aieeee!
Stupid Computer-Generated Vampires (to their stupid computer-generated vampire children):Yesss! Feed my dhalings! Feed! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Villagers: Aieeeeeee!
Stupid Computer-Generated Vampires: Feed! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Villagers: Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Stupid Computer-Generated Vampires: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Villagers: Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
There, now you've pretty much got the idea of Van Helsing. The whole time I wondered why the villagers put up with their daily sackings by vampires. Why don't they just move? I mean it's not like the weather in Transylvania is all that great. France is just around the corner.
2) Little Voice
This was an interesting movie. I can't really recommend it but it did have some charming moments. Jane Horrocks is an immense talent. And she's so cute too. You just want to pick her up and cuddle. (You'd understand if you saw the film.)
The scene where Ewan Mccgregor pulls his ladder to her window to "check the wires" was priceless.
3) Hellboy
Overrated. The makeup was amazing and there were some decent scenes - but every character felt like a throwaway.
4) Harry Potter and The Prisoner Of Azkaban
This movie is such a step above the other 2 it's ridiculous. It must be embarrassing for the previous director to look at this film and realize what a lousy product they pushed out.
Everything about this film works. The design is flawless and (unlike the first 2) actually feels real. The acting has vastly improved. The cinematography is lovely. And the plot is a doozy. Great job. This should be a contender for Best Picture of 04.
5) Muppet Treasure Island
I'm such a sucker for Muppet movies, and though this film is definitely a step down from the earlier films, it still has plenty of funny moments.
One note, the kid who played Jim Hawkins has the most annoying voice in the world. Every time he opens his mouth to sing, it's like listening to a wounded mouse squeal. Gosh, I hated that kid.
So there's all the time I wasted over this weekend. Hmmm.
1) Van Helsing
"I wish that I wore more practical shoes."
If the above image doesn't tell you all you need to know about this amazingly stupid film...
I think that the following sums up the film pretty well:
Villagers: Look, Vampires in the sky! Run! Aieeee!
Stupid Computer-Generated Vampires: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Villagers (running): Aieeeeeee!
Stupid Computer-Generated Vampires:Yesss! Blood! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Villagers: Look they've brought their vampire children! Run! Aieeee!
Stupid Computer-Generated Vampires (to their stupid computer-generated vampire children):Yesss! Feed my dhalings! Feed! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Villagers: Aieeeeeee!
Stupid Computer-Generated Vampires: Feed! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Villagers: Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Stupid Computer-Generated Vampires: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Villagers: Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
There, now you've pretty much got the idea of Van Helsing. The whole time I wondered why the villagers put up with their daily sackings by vampires. Why don't they just move? I mean it's not like the weather in Transylvania is all that great. France is just around the corner.
2) Little Voice
This was an interesting movie. I can't really recommend it but it did have some charming moments. Jane Horrocks is an immense talent. And she's so cute too. You just want to pick her up and cuddle. (You'd understand if you saw the film.)
The scene where Ewan Mccgregor pulls his ladder to her window to "check the wires" was priceless.
3) Hellboy
Overrated. The makeup was amazing and there were some decent scenes - but every character felt like a throwaway.
4) Harry Potter and The Prisoner Of Azkaban
This movie is such a step above the other 2 it's ridiculous. It must be embarrassing for the previous director to look at this film and realize what a lousy product they pushed out.
Everything about this film works. The design is flawless and (unlike the first 2) actually feels real. The acting has vastly improved. The cinematography is lovely. And the plot is a doozy. Great job. This should be a contender for Best Picture of 04.
5) Muppet Treasure Island
I'm such a sucker for Muppet movies, and though this film is definitely a step down from the earlier films, it still has plenty of funny moments.
One note, the kid who played Jim Hawkins has the most annoying voice in the world. Every time he opens his mouth to sing, it's like listening to a wounded mouse squeal. Gosh, I hated that kid.
So there's all the time I wasted over this weekend. Hmmm.
4 Comments:
Levi. It's good to see you were so productive during your sick-time. I love your blog, but please use spellcheck. I'm sure all your readers will appreciate this. (I've come to you in private about this, but obviously you tuned me out as usual) Love, your rediculously adoring mother PS You should review the movie you ruined for your wife and sisters. They described it to me and it sounds like a hoot.
Hi Mom, I didn't actually watch Raise Your Voice I just endured 5 minutes of it. Gosh, what I saw was bad. Even the girls had to admit that it stank.
Anyway, I've fixed the spelling on my post. Are ya happy now? Gosh!
Love, your embarrasingly devoted son.
Please say it ain't so... last night I almost rented "Heckboy" (the kids are grown up, but I still make the substitution).
Will it be worth watching on "buck night?"
P.S. Watched "Master and Commander" in surround last night and it was just as wonderful as I remember it on the big screen.
Oh my goodness, I absolutely HATED Van Helsing. Man was that bad. Those vampire girls were such a waste. Any lame-o could have invented those things! Of course they HAVE to be sexy, they HAVE to be evil and wicked, because we have NO imagination. Boring! My mom wanted to see it so me, Nick, Emily and my Dad took her to see it at the theater. There was this overweight individual sitting across from us and everytime the vampire chicks or Kate Beckensale was on the screen, he'd make these disgusting sighs and groans of lust. It was so comical and lewd at the same time. Needless to say, we laughed the entire movie.
I adore muppet movies, too. Kermit the frog will forever be the cutest little thing ever. I wish I could squeeze him.
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