A bit of my writing...
I've been posting about books and writing quite a bit lately and I thought I'd share a little bit of what I've been working on.
This is the latest draft of the first chapter of my book: Darkpark. (Formerly The Sultan's Secret.) It's a children's book so if the style seems a little childish, now you know why.
I'd be interested to hear what you all think.
1) The Orphanage
The orphanage was a grey building without any grass in its courtyard or ivy on its walls. It had metal widows that were bad at keeping the heat in when it was cold and even worse at keeping the cool in when it was hot. A sign at the gate read, "The Children's Ranch of Reluctant Beauty," and not even the headmaster, Mr. Levine, pretended to know what it meant. The children simply called it "The House" and Mr. Levine called it "The Ranch".
Read more...
This is the latest draft of the first chapter of my book: Darkpark. (Formerly The Sultan's Secret.) It's a children's book so if the style seems a little childish, now you know why.
I'd be interested to hear what you all think.
1) The Orphanage
The orphanage was a grey building without any grass in its courtyard or ivy on its walls. It had metal widows that were bad at keeping the heat in when it was cold and even worse at keeping the cool in when it was hot. A sign at the gate read, "The Children's Ranch of Reluctant Beauty," and not even the headmaster, Mr. Levine, pretended to know what it meant. The children simply called it "The House" and Mr. Levine called it "The Ranch".
Read more...
22 Comments:
Wow Levi, I really am liking this story so far. Good job, and excellent writing!
Wow. 1:30 A.M. and I have to go to work tomorrow. I better hit the hay. I'll print this out and comment tomorrow.
Yo Levi - I still haven't gotten to your short story, but just wanted to say that that one mp3 you posted of Imogen Heap, it grew on me. Now I'm really starting to like it.
Cool, that's good to hear. That song took a little while to grow on me too.
The rest of her stuff is also pretty good. I think her website has a few more samples.
And thanks, Amber. It's always nice to get encouragement. Maybe I'll post another chapter in the future.
Zombie Slayer, my friend told me about Hide and Seek, and when I first heard it, I almost chucked it. But it did grow on me, and now I love it. I recommend her whole album though. Its really good. At first I didnt think that any of the other songs even compared to Hide and Seek, but eventually, I realized how awesome they were. So , you should look into the whole thing. Another good song, one of my favs from the album is Goodnight and Go.
Oh honey, I love it! I already feel strength, dignity and kindness in Hattie's character.
Levine is hilarious! He's not too evil, just self-centered enough to love/hate him. (Is his name a nod to the "Levine" in Lewis' trilogy?)
Of course, I have some of my tactful suggestions and corrections, but I love it and hope you publish it soon. I wish there were more books like this to read to Madeline.
I see a strange twist of role reversal here. Hattie will be Levine's teacher and confidant, instead of the other way around.
I like it Levi. I'm excited to watch this "hobby" of yours unfold into something that could potentialy be a career???
;)
You are a gifted storyteller.
Hey Levi,
What's up with these blogs that make you type in a random word before you leave comments? I can't leave comments on those blogs for some reason...like Zombieslayer's.
??
How do I clear my eBlogger cookies?
Sadie: The typing-in-words-thing is to prevent Spam. To delete your cookies (in Internet Explorer) go to "Tools > Internet Options" then click "Delete Cookies..."
And thanks for the compliment...
Mom: I'm blushing.
Zombie: There's definately role-reversal, but it never amounts to anything.
Nattalie: Once I'm finished with this draft I'll definately send you a copy. And yes, redheads are very cool.
I love it!! I must say that I do miss Hank but Mr. Levine is a good replacement. Are you changing most of it or just that part? I think this version is more deep but the first one was more funny. Did you want funny or deep? Either way I love both versions. Your such a great writer.
levi,
I really like it! I can see the more fantsy feel it has, its cool. I also really love how you are building up to Jack. Good forshadowing ( if thats the right word for it) My drawing teachers name was levine, weird. Anyways, I loved it!
hey levi...
you have hooked me already, so i'd say the story is off to a good start. the character developement seems really strong. i definelty have ADD when it comes to reading (sad but true. i enjoy reading, i just have a hard time sticking with it) but this book sounds like something i could sit down with and tear through. (probably because you said it's intended for children eh?) the style seems somewhat akin to lemony snicket. keep up the good work, cuz. i think everyone would love to hear more.
Hi Walker!
Levi--thanks for the cookie advice. I worked it out.
Walker-- When do you wanna come see the baby? He's been asking for you...
*wink*
Hey Walker, good to hear from you! It's been a while. Thanks for the compliments. It's good to hear that it's easy to read. That's definately one of my main goals. I'll be sure to print out a copy for you when I'm all finished.
Levi:
As a fellow writer (ahem) I am persuaded that you will take my comments much more seriously than those above. That said: it rocked! I've always wanted to write stories for younger folks but have always come off as condescending, or too mad-cap, or just too dumb. But you, my friend, have hit the proverbial nail on the head. I can't wait to read more. And who knows? Maybe I'll post some of my own writing on my blog for the masses to chew up (I know, I'm a copycat...)
Thanks, Simon. And yes definately post some writing on your blog!
Levi great 1st chapter can't wait for the rest. Keep up the good work. Dad
wow.
Hi Tim.
How cool of you to get on Levi's blog!
See you tonight...
~~~S
Yeah, Sadie, Tim's not a blogger, so it was a big step for him to get on, but he wanted to read Levi's book.
Just listen to him gush! Isn't it cute?
Thanks, Dad.
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