In which Levi finds time to post
Hi everyone: Sorry about last week's lack of postage. Hopefully I'll have a little more time in April.
An interesting thing happened to me last Thursday.
Let me set the scene: I was stuck in traffic jam. The cars had all decided to take a break from going places and seemed to be socializing or something. I had just left my job and was in the surreal state that lies between staring at a computer screen for 8+ hours and the first gas station cup of coffee. For reasons I can't remember I had put on my sweater and pulled my hood low over my head, like a gangster or Anakin Skywalker when he wipes out the jedi. The stereo was playing NPR classical music.
As I sat there, I happened to glance in my rearview mirror (there's not much to do stuck in traffic) and I saw something that caught my interest: The man in the car directly behind me opened his door.
This isn't a crazy thing to do when stuck in traffic. I've seen people clean their windshields in such situations. I assumed this man merely had to satisfy a whimsical urge to open his door - nothing more.
But he stepped entirely out of his car. I got my first good look at the guy: A tall dude with shaggy gray hair (let's call him, Oompa Loompa Man). Nothing impressive...
...until he started advancing on my car. Then I reevaluated the situation.
When a person gets out of their car and starts walking towards your car, to me it indicates the following:
Oompa Loompa Man: (Makes the "roll down your window" motion with his hand)
To appease him, I open the window a hairline crack.
Oompa Loompa Man: "Your left tail light is out."
I grunt some sort of guttural affirmative, like a caveman. (In retrospect, I don't know why I acted like a caveman under pressure. It seemed like the best thing to do in the heat of the moment.)
Oompa Loompa Man returned to his car, leaving me much more awake.
Then it hit me, what a weirdo that guy was! What is he, the patron saint of left tail lights? What drove him to get out of his car in the middle of traffic, approach my window, freak me out and deliver his message? Does the sight of a dim tail light cut him to the core of his being?
He was taking a big risk to notify me. People don't take kindly to strangers advancing on their window. He could've gotten pepper sprayed or a gun barrel shoved his face; I would've done that if I had any of those things available.
Most of all, I know that my tail light is out and I don't care. It still lights up at night just as well as the rest of my lights. It just doesn't get brighter when I hit my brakes. I figure my right tail light can pick up the slack for the time being. I don't need strangers to leap out of nowhere and notify me.
An interesting thing happened to me last Thursday.
Let me set the scene: I was stuck in traffic jam. The cars had all decided to take a break from going places and seemed to be socializing or something. I had just left my job and was in the surreal state that lies between staring at a computer screen for 8+ hours and the first gas station cup of coffee. For reasons I can't remember I had put on my sweater and pulled my hood low over my head, like a gangster or Anakin Skywalker when he wipes out the jedi. The stereo was playing NPR classical music.
As I sat there, I happened to glance in my rearview mirror (there's not much to do stuck in traffic) and I saw something that caught my interest: The man in the car directly behind me opened his door.
This isn't a crazy thing to do when stuck in traffic. I've seen people clean their windshields in such situations. I assumed this man merely had to satisfy a whimsical urge to open his door - nothing more.
But he stepped entirely out of his car. I got my first good look at the guy: A tall dude with shaggy gray hair (let's call him, Oompa Loompa Man). Nothing impressive...
...until he started advancing on my car. Then I reevaluated the situation.
When a person gets out of their car and starts walking towards your car, to me it indicates the following:
- I have accidentally cut them off and they are going to take physical revenge
- The traffic jam has finally snapped their mind (don't laugh - I've had nervous breakdowns in traffic on numerous occasions) and they are going to randomly kill the occupant of the first car they look at, IE: me
- I've somehow double-crossed the Mafia and Oompa Loompa Man is the assassin.
Oompa Loompa Man: (Makes the "roll down your window" motion with his hand)
To appease him, I open the window a hairline crack.
Oompa Loompa Man: "Your left tail light is out."
I grunt some sort of guttural affirmative, like a caveman. (In retrospect, I don't know why I acted like a caveman under pressure. It seemed like the best thing to do in the heat of the moment.)
Oompa Loompa Man returned to his car, leaving me much more awake.
Then it hit me, what a weirdo that guy was! What is he, the patron saint of left tail lights? What drove him to get out of his car in the middle of traffic, approach my window, freak me out and deliver his message? Does the sight of a dim tail light cut him to the core of his being?
He was taking a big risk to notify me. People don't take kindly to strangers advancing on their window. He could've gotten pepper sprayed or a gun barrel shoved his face; I would've done that if I had any of those things available.
Most of all, I know that my tail light is out and I don't care. It still lights up at night just as well as the rest of my lights. It just doesn't get brighter when I hit my brakes. I figure my right tail light can pick up the slack for the time being. I don't need strangers to leap out of nowhere and notify me.
9 Comments:
Thanks, Levi. I pray my heart out every morning for you to be safe on your commute. This guy was probably an angel and you almost shot him. Man, would you have gotten in trouble for that. ~Mom PS I think you can get tickets for broken tail-lights.
I think that you can only get a fix-it ticket for a dim tail-light. But thanks for your prayers, Mom. They are much appreciated.
Levi, your story was an honest example of a healthy fear of strangers, I assure you that you haven't crossed the line into abnormal paranoia. It's the same thing when people laugh at me for being scared of spiders or sharks. Is fearing them funny or ridiculous? Surely not. Sharks can eat you if they want and spiders are disgusting. The same goes for strangers.
funniest.
post.
ever.
also, any mention of star wars lately makes me pee my pants in over joyous excitment. i am working on buying tent for my camp out in front of the theater. the darth vader suit with be slightly more pricey.
just kidding, buti saw the preview in sin city the other night and i was really annoyed that no one was cheering, clapping or peeing their pants.
I share your disappointment, Walker. Pretty soon, nobody should even be able to sleep they should be so racked with anticipation. This will be the best NEW installment of the Star Wars Series. I promise.
~S
Aurgh. I hate when people like Star Wars. The first trilogy was mediocre, but modestly quaint. The newer installments are pathetic, because they have none of the character or campiness of the first, (which, again was not much) and try to make up for it with long-badly-needing-editing-effects-driven scenes, which lack luster or meaning. Admittedly, some of the stars they've chosen are my favorites, (Liam and McGregor) yet they can't seem to find their characters. I'm sorry, I'll be the lone voice in this generation: The emporer has no clothes! I have spoken. ~Michele
"The emporer has no clothes!"
Yuk! There's an image I didn't need.
Ah hahahahahaha! It's E-M-P-E-R-O-R! As in the Emperor's New Groove (highly underated Disney film). I love pointing out spelling mistakes on Levi's blog. There seems to be such an issue about it here. Anyhoodles, poo on you Michele.
Thank you for your support, Marcia. I'm sure there are many secret-Star-War-loathers, quivering in their closets, afraid of being shunned.
Levi, you should do a blog on most over-rated movies of all time. If you're brave enough, put SW at the top of the list, and then Casablanca, which I haven't seen, but I get the feeling it is. ~muthah
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